[Filter: Private]

I have to get my hands on that book Papa was talking about~ I wonder if it would be in the library? Sounds like a mission. If it's nothing he wants me to read, that only makes me even more curious. Hmmm~ I wonder what Lancel would think of that? He likes reading, anyway. It could be a little project~

I bet Stephanie must be upset now, with what Lian's gone and told her. It's not like it isn't true. But Lian gets to spend more time with Papa than either of us, so I don't know why she's the one who seems the most offended. Unless maybe that's why.

Lissandra pretending to be me... I wonder how much she'll actually go ahead with trying it? She's probably got it in her head to, but no one's better at being me than... me.

[Filter: Private]

Lancel thinks it's unique, too. He didn't really comment on it sounding like a boy's name, though. I mean, what would he say?

Unless calling it unique is really an excuse, but~ it's not really a name you hear around anyway! So there. I shouldn't worry about it. I mean, there are always more important things.

Though that does bring something else to mind, so maaaybe I'll just ask. I mean, I can, really.

[Filter: Public]

Papa, I've always wondered~ how did you think up our names anyway? I mean, they're all Li names, but was there anything that really inspired them~?

[Filter: Private]

It flows much better now, just like I thought. The whole thing goes together well... this actually has been pretty fun~ it's not often that we really ... well, do things like this. And I'm sure Lancel will like it.

Bleh, and today is so today. It's all gloomy and all we can think about are ... everything that's missing. Myca's been dead for a while now ... and Grandmother, and even Mother, who we never knew. She died with ... me, even, and ... I guess it's a little silly, to think of something that way. I mean, I'm sure no one thinks I'm a murderer or anything ...

But sometimes it just ... kind of feels like it. I mean ... three's a lot. And they said she was fragile, didn't they? And pale, and beautiful, and ... she died so young. That really isn't fair.

[Filter: Edeyn]

Hey Edeyn! I know it's kind of random, especially with today being so ... today, but ... well, I was kind of meaning to ask you this a while ago...~ could you humor me a little bit?

[Filter: Private]

Writing lyrics has been much harder than I thought it would be. They have to go just right, even if there are only a few lines.

Maybe it's the melody that's off. It's a little too repetitive, too rhymey, that's what it is... and Lian said she was having trouble, wasn't she? I wonder if I can fix that... then I can have her listen again after that. Knowing her she'll do one of her things about it, but ... I know I'm right about this.

[Filter: Private]

I~~~~ think I can safely call this festival a success~

I still can't believe it's true, sometimes. I was beginning to think he'd never let me. But then I wake up and remember that it wasn't a dream. And ... someday, Alanna and I will get to travel, too. But now just flying is enough. That's all I really wanted... the weapons were always so hard to use anyway. Even Edeyn seemed impressed... that's a lot coming from her.

So... I should just be happy. I think I am. I think this is what it feels like, especially when I'm flying. You can't ever feel down like that.

So~ that one girl had a really great idea about doing a countdown to the Festival of Leaves~ and people should be excited about it, it's silly not to, unless you really are somewhere out there all alone in the world with no one there to give anything to or receive anything from. Even if you're in a bad situation right now, it won't hurt to find something to feel good about even for a little while. You know? I mean, life is hard for a lot of you, but does it really make it any better to let the bad things win all the time?

And you know what? You're not really alone when there's this huge network of people to talk to whenever you want~! And -- even if you don't want that, you're kind of stuck with us for now, aren't you~? So even to the grumpiest grumpy faces out there, I'm wishing you a happy festival because I can, and I'm not going to let it be ruined for anyone else. You, and you, and especially you! Got it~? Great! ♥

So, guess what, world? Seven days left! Shopping can leave you so tired sometimes, can't it? Sometimes it takes forever before you find that right gift, too. But it's worth it~

[Filter: Private]

Even if she doesn't let me, I'll just have to find something better. It's not fair that she gets to do everything that everyone likes. Hmmm...

Blah, shopping gets harder and harder every year. I barely have any ideas. At least I'm not the only one, but still! Who wants to complain about that again? It'll only get worse as the month goes on...

[Filter: Public]

Oh Papa~ Dame Brigid keeps saying that she wants to talk to you and Edeyn about my flying, but you're always so busy, so she doesn't ask! Could you go talk to her sometime when you aren't too busy~?

[Filter: Private]

It's not really fair, that his attention is split over the four of us like this. I just can't tell who he likes best. Lissandra complains a lot, and Lian just talks to him about music all the time, and Stephanie just goes on about how nice he is, but~

I just want it to be different.

[Filter: Public]

Oh Lian~ how is your song coming along? I'm sure we're all just curious about it...~ at least, I am.

[Filter: Private]

You know, I could just ask Lancel what she talks to him about. That would make this a whole lot easier~

Or maybe...

Hmm... nah~ I wouldn't want to do that to him. It just wouldn't be right, after all~

[Filter: Private]

I keep saying I'll write more later, and then I never do. Silly of me, huh~?

It's been really nice, having Lancel around~ Lissandra acts all funny, and of course Lian gets on well with him, and I bet Stephanie really likes him too. It's just nice to have someone to talk to who isn't them, who hasn't really been here long enough. Kind of a new, fresh, person who doesn't mind talking and listening...~ even if he doesn't get some things, either, but people are like that...~ just, never getting something. I wonder who he likes best? I know he'll never say, so I won't ask~ just wonder.

He seems more interested in talking and things than Myca was, especially now that we're all taking care of him and he's getting better. Myca always was so quiet, and kept to himself, especially when he got sicker and sicker and we all could only watch until he was gone. And ... we kept going, after that. It was weird but he had been stuck in bed for so long anyway, that it didn't really change things that much. Except Papa...

I bet Lian still knows some great big secret, but fat chance of getting anything out of her. We haven't really talked much since our birthday, but that's only because I was right and she knows it. She always tries to be so nice all the time, but she never wants to be the one to say something mean, even when she really means something mean. I know her better than she does~ but she'll never know that.

And Lissandra's so... Lissandra sometimes. Neither of them are very fun, are they? They're so different, and neither of them really get me, either. But...~ I guess that's why they're them, and I'm me, right? And I'm different. I'm fun. I'm me. I just want to be me. Hard to be just me when I'm them too, right? Guess that will never change either.

And Stephanie's... Stephanie~ just another sister, right? Papa looks at her just the way he looks at Lian sometimes, just the way he looked at Myca. He likes her better, too. Not really fair at all, is it? Oh well~ that's how things are.

Bleh, all of this and now I don't really remember what I wanted to ask anyone else anymore~

[Filter: Private]

Hmmm...~

I'll write more later.

[Filter: Public]

I know it isn't Wednesday or anything, but I was just curious...~ see, today happens to be my birthday, as well as my sisters, since we're triplets and all~ we've all just turned fifteen. Not a bad age, right~? At least, I hope not.

I was hoping to get a selection of what to... expect~ or at least, you're just welcome to share your own experiences. I mean, years come and go, and it's all just numbers, but sometimes it leaves some impression, right~?

[Filter: Private]

Guess I'm getting a little better. I'm not sure if it's something I can call all my own yet. And with our birthday coming up, maybe I'll be able to fly more too. The lance is still pretty clumsy, though. Everyone else looks so graceful with it, but not me. It's been a little hard to concentrate lately though.

Today is Myca's birthday... sometimes it's hard to believe that he's gone, still. I mean, he was always there, since we were little. Very little. Then the last few years he couldn't even get out of bed at all... that was pretty awful, too. I miss him. Sometimes he couldn't even tell who I was, but when he did, it was really nice.

I want to say something. I wish Papa would... it just feels wrong letting it pass when he used to be here, same as anyone else. It was a very long time ago, though. I don't even know if he used to really talk to anyone but Stephanie, and she's still here now, so...

Ugh. I just feel like laying around in bed today. It's just going to be one of those days, isn't it? I feel so ... blah and sad. Maybe tomorrow will be better, but I just want today to be over...

[Filter: Private]

Our birthday is in a month... our birthday, and Myca's. Guess we're just getting older, huh? Another few years and we'll be old enough to court, even. Wonder what Papa would think about that, if he's thought of it.

The older I get, the more I can do~ but at the same time it feels like such a hassle. Things are much more fun the way they are now. Even when it's not very fun at all. There's still so much I need to do~ so much I'm not ready to give up just yet.

[Filter: Private]

... There are some things that just can't be taught. Though that doesn't leave me with very much~ hmm.

Well. We'll see.

[Filter: Private]

Something's up. I'm just not sure what is... but it's definitely something. Everyone has been acting weird all month. Longer than that, much longer. Oooh. I hate being left out.

It's actually starting to get a little warmer. Maybe I'll get to fly more. If Edeyn's doing a lot of it lately, maybe I should ask her if she can help me practice~ might not be a bad way to see if I can figure out a few things.

There's always the other way, too, but... I'd rather it just be me. I'll have to see...~

[Filter: Private]

It feels like there's some big secret that everyone is hiding. The problem is getting them to unhide it, and that's not going very well...~

Well. There's no worrying over that now, anyway. More important things are ahead~

[Filter: Public]

Wow, I can't believe the Moon Festival is so soon~! Papa, may I tell the story this time? Please~??

[Filter: Lissandra]

Hmmmm.

Papa must be hiding something. If she won't come out, don't you think we should try to find out what it is ourselves?

[Filter: Private]

It has to be perfect. But with everyone elses' meals, it probably won't be noticed too much. But... it's the dessert so it has to look good, too.

It's going to be hard. But we have to make sure it's happy. We have to...

I wonder when the day will come when we all start cooking for someone else, instead of Papa. That would be really strange~ but different, too. Hmmm~

[Filter: Public]

Soooo~ considering what day is coming up soon, I thought I would ask the obvious question~

Unless it's going to be a biiig secret, what are your plans for Rose Day~? If you hate Rose Day, you're not allowed to answer! But be creative~ and if you really have no real way to celebrate it, what would your ideal Rose Day be like~?

[Filter: Private]

Hearing everyone talk about flying makes me wish I could fly a little more. Maybe we could try to go a little higher when no one's looking... it shouldn't be too hard. Just once, anyway. I want to know what it really feels like...

It'll be almost a year soon. I wish Lian would say something to him.

I have to get good at something. I'm tired of always being second, and not good enough. Nothing really feels right, though. It's like putting on someone else's clothes. It's still me underneath, even though I'm not really there.

The harp isn't... too bad though. Just... hard. Harder than I thought it would be. It's just a bunch of strings! But if I do it wrong it just hurts my fingers. And they'll laugh or something. No. They wouldn't laugh, they'd just feel sorry for me. Look at Linnell, trying something again. She just doesn't give up! But she's not going to be any good. Ever. I bet even Stephanie's going to be better at me than something. She spends a lot of time with Papa... he'll start liking her better than me, too.

At least Edeyn's finally back. I wonder what took so long... she hasn't really said anything. I wonder what happened? Papa must be glad, though.

[Filter: Public]

It's about time you got back, Edeyn~! You missed Papa's birthday.

How is it going out there in journal-land~? I'm sorry that I haven't been saying much. I can't wait for it to stop being so dark most of the time. Silly Korin~

[Filter: Private]

She's really not going to do it, is she? And Night of the Dead is really soon...

... Well, if she won't, then maybe I could... but would that work? Lissandra did say I shouldn't be left out. And if Lian won't, then what else can I do?

I'll have to think about it a little more. I don't really like doing ...that~ when it comes to things like this.

[Filter: P

Huh. I can't really think of anything to say~ Oh well. Maybe I can do something else... I guess it's back to trying those other things. A lot of people mentioned the harp. I wonder if we even have one of those around here... I'll just have to ask a servant, maybe~